At a recent family get-together one of my relatives commented that its my personality that has pushed me to become a doctor and not "being a doctor" that has made me the way I am. I had never really thought about it that way but it's so very true.
Like most physicians I am a perfectionist. I am obsessive about doing things correctly and a bit of a control freak. It's not that I don't appreciate help sometimes, but it easier for me to do things myself, my way, instead of watching them get done at a lower standard. Think about it - its these qualities that serve my patients well. I call my patients personally with their results. I follow-through with things to the final degree. Helping others is what comes natural for me and what truly makes me a happy person.
Unlike other young physicians, my mom and dad were not physicians. They were not professionals of any sort, nor did they pay for my education. Dad worked in the middle class labor field and mom stayed at home the first half of my childhood then worked at my school the next half. My clothes came from low end department stores and I never had the "in" toys or clothes but we were happy and loved. I think this upbringing is what separates me from many of my colleagues. I understand what its like to worry about paying the bills and grocery shopping on a small budget.
One day when I was on a surgical rotation my attending stopped me in the middle of the ICU and asked me what a particular marking was on a random x-ray hanging on the wall. Not knowing the patient or case I looked at the x-ray and tried my hardest to anticipate what he was trying to get at. I answered him, and was immediately chastised with his yell, "what are you a dumb ass layperson or a doctor". Now I'm not good with quotes, but this one was burned in my mind forever. I didn't acknowledge his statement and then listened dismally as he explained that as a physician I would be held to a higher standard in life and that I needed to have higher expectations of myself. Every ounce of my being wanted to yell back at him that the blood running through my veins was one hundred percent dumb ass layperson and always would be.
There's a difference in your inner character when you grow up knowing the value of a dollar. I still don't want a BMW, nor do I have plans to become extravagant when the student loans are paid off. I struggle with balancing giving my children more than I had and making sure they too appreciate the value of a dollar. It was this past year that my son (who has a PS3, wii, digital camera and Nintendo DS) was crying about wanting a PSP that made me take action. I arranged for all of us to volunteer in a local food pantry. It was so heartening to watch my ten year old son pitch the "great taste of rice cheese" to an elderly woman as he helped her bag some groceries. I know I am succeeding when each month my son and daughter proudly carry large boxes and bags of groceries to people's cars with a smile that warms every one's heart.
So for now I know that a hard working middle class girl from a small town can do anything she dreams of and hopefully those roots will help to grow a compassionate physician who is able to be an integral part of her patients' lives. As for my children, I hope that the values and morals I teach them will far out value any object they may own.
"believe in your dreams for all dreams can come true"
-dr. mom of 4
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